Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
