i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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