grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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