I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
