His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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