I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.