Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
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So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.