Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.