i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating