did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again