I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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