Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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