My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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