Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
