Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize