WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
