I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
