Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
