I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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