I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
