At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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