my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
