Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
