She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
