Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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