My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
