We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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