i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
