when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
