He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
