Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
