the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
