guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My underwear smells like fireworks.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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