Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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