Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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