Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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