i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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