I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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