Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
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And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
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he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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