Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
