i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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