its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
