He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
