did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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