Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
