My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
