He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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