i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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