I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
