she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
