I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
