And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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