Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Acid is not a monday night drug
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
