EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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