Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
