his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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