he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
