The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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