things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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