My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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