apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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