the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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