I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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