Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
