she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
