He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
