You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
