good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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