Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
